泡网俱乐部

• shaohua hu wrote:

The author’s way is much closer to the way a Yale Professor raises her kid than to the way an average Chinese woman does. The latter lacks the wherewithal to do so, and is far less extreme. I wonder what would happen if Chua had had two boys. Usually, moms and dads take more responsibility of raising kids of their same sex, partly because they think they know how to do it.

I classify four types of kids in terms of their relations to their parents. First, kids are smart and parents are strict, and kids turn out to be happy and successful. Is Mozart a good example? Second is the total opposite. The kids are mediocre, and parents are permissive. The kids become mediocre. You can easily find ample examples. Somewhere in between are two types. One is that kids are smart, but parents are permissive. Kids waste their talents. The other is that kids are average, but parents are strict. Kids turn out to achieve more than they would otherwise.

It is very easy to understand kids’ feeling and desire. They want to do whatever they like. This is part of human nature. All parents try to strike a balance between allowing kids short-term foolish indulgence and making them work hard to realize their potential. Reading comments make me realize how resentful some people are toward their parents. I am sorry for them, and even more so for their parents. This reminds me of the idiom, “the path to hell is paved with good intentions.”

Mature kids or adults should understand that all parents wish them well. They have suffered so much to accommodate their needs and wants. The NPR interviewed this morning one scholar, who says that humans are the most difficult to raise. All other animals can be functional not long after their birth, but humans are totally helpless. Freedom is an ideal situation, but is rare and limited. For example, kids would be happy to sleep five more minutes in the morning, but their parents have to wake them up, because literally they allow them to sleep until the very last second.

There is truth to the statement that parents know the best. For example, almost girls would love to be popular among boys. But allowing her daughter to follow her heart may be the nightmare of the mom. The daughter might be hurt physically or emotionally while enjoying her popularity. You may say that the daughter can learn. That is true, but not always. The society does not give people a second chance that much. A not too extreme example is teenage pregnancy. Also theoretically, you can recover from your foolish behavior, but the society is very competitive. A couple of years means a great deal. If you lag behind once, you may fall behind all your life.

I understand the moral outrage shown by some commentators. But hey, everybody has his or her own way of doing things. Nobody asks you to follow or like what Chua’s way. I do not like Uncle Sam’s interference in parental affairs that much. Nowadays kids are always under their parent’s’ supervision because of law, which is costly for parents’ time and energy and money and costly for kids’ intellectual and social developments. There is a cliché that strict parents stifle their kids’ individuality and creativity. Sometimes it is, but often it is not. How about parents encourage their kids to be more critical and creative rather than let them waste their time routinely?