泡网俱乐部

• XIN HAO wrote:

I think there is more truth than most people realize to this essay... I was raised very similarly, in a very traditional Chinese family. Honestly, it WAS harder for me to understand the Western way of socializing (and trust me, it is quite distinct from the Eastern way of socializing) at first, but due to the strong work ethic my mom taught me, I forced myself to adapt and learn and meld into the Western culture. Without that intense work ethic, I don't think I could have survived on wall street/new york's financial industry, which is a very eat what you kill model.

I would just ask that Western parents keep an open mind to this essay, while it might be extremist for them, it teaches valuable life skills, and I have no regrets about my childhood. I performed at Carnegie Hall too, and because I learned so much and had to perfect those skills early on, I now have the option of teaching music professionally whenever I choose, and make quite a successful living on it. I did it partly through college to support myself, and it worked beautifully. I also know that I CAN succeed at anything I put my mind to, I would never get through a project halfway and quit. Because that was never allowed. It gives me great personal pride to do the best possible job and continually push myself to overachieve. Otherwise, what is the joy to living if you can't learn and experience all that you can? (in my opinion, at least)

The one key thing this essay points out is that fundamentally, Western culture does tend to foster the attitude to blame others first, while Eastern philosophy is to blame yourself first. Maybe that stems from the individuality versus communal attitudes between the two cultures. Maybe a combo is the best way to go. Even if you look at teens here in the Western world, there's so much bashing each other, bullying each other, and I feel it all stems from self-doubt and lack of self-confidence. Seems kind of ironic if their parents are constantly encouraging them and boosting their self-esteem, no? Wouldn't you think it'd be the Eastern parents who keep "bashing" their kids to work harder that would promote lack of self-confidence? Yet those kids actually seem to have a much stronger sense of who they are individually, and really don't lash out at their classmates (or co-workers)...

I truly believe any child can live up to their full potential by being pushed hard, and I believe you can push your child hard as long as your child KNOWS they are loved no matter what. That doesn't mean sugar-coating everything to boost their self-esteem; children are incredibly smart, they'll know if you are sugarcoating, and they'll always prefer the truth. I'd rather hear my mom tell me my shortcomings directly so I can work on those areas, rather than be told "lies". I guess overall, I think there are advantages to both types of cultures, but I certainly admire the way my mom brought me up. It shows me how involved she was in my well-being, in pushing me to be the best that I could be, and I "owe" her the rest of my life... grateful, that is, that she pushed me into becoming such a strong competitor wherever I go.